Ah, the work Christmas party. That magical time of year when your boss suddenly wants everyone to socialise outside working hours, the colleague you’ve only ever spoken to about spreadsheets is asking what you’re doing at Christmas, and somehow you’re expected to dance in front of people you’ll have to face again on Monday morning. For an introvert, it can feel like a lot.
You might actually like your colleagues. You might even enjoy going out. The problem is that spending several hours chatting, drinking, eating, making small talk and being surrounded by people can leave you feeling completely wiped out. Add Christmas music, a busy venue and the pressure to have fun and you might already be eyeing the nearest fire exit.
But being an introvert doesn’t mean you have to hide in the toilets all night or make up a mysterious appointment so you can leave early. You can go to the work Christmas party, have a genuinely good time and still protect your precious social battery. Here are our tips on how to survive the work Christmas party if you’re an introvert:
1. Don’t feel guilty for being an introvert
First things first, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being the quieter person at work. You don’t need to become the loudest person in the room just because it’s the Christmas party. You don’t suddenly need to be amazing at small talk, join every conversation or spend the evening bouncing from group to group.
If you’re happier having a proper conversation with one person rather than chatting to ten people at once, that’s fine. If you need a bit of quiet after a couple of hours, that’s fine too.
Try not to put pressure on yourself to behave like the most sociable person in the office. You’ll probably enjoy yourself much more when you stop worrying about whether you’re being sociable enough.
2. Find your Christmas party buddy
Having one friendly face by your side can make a huge difference. If there’s someone at work you get on with, see if they’re going to the party and arrange to meet up beforehand. It means you won’t have to walk into the venue wondering who you’re going to stand with.
Your buddy doesn’t have to be your best work friend either. It could be someone you sit near, someone from another department or another colleague who also isn’t desperate to spend four hours shouting over Christmas music.
You can arrive together, grab a drink together and introduce each other to people if one of you gets stuck in an awkward conversation.
Just don’t make one person responsible for your entire evening. They’ll probably want to mingle too, so give each other permission to disappear for a bit and catch up later.
3. Have a plan before you go
You don’t need a military operation, but having a rough idea of how the evening will work can make you feel much more relaxed.
Check where the party is being held, what time it starts and whether there’s food, entertainment or anything else planned. If you’re staying somewhere overnight, sort out your accommodation and transport before the night begins.
It’s also worth deciding roughly how long you’d like to stay. You don’t have to announce your departure time to everyone. Just knowing that you’ve got an escape plan can make the whole evening feel less overwhelming.
Your plan could be as simple as:
• Arrive around the start time rather than being ridiculously early
• Have a drink and find someone you know
• Stay for dinner and the main part of the evening
• Join in with anything you actually fancy doing
• Take a breather if you need one
• Leave when you’ve had enough
Knowing you can leave when you’re ready can make it much easier to relax while you’re there.
4. Get comfortable with small talk
Small talk might not be your favourite thing in the world, but you don’t need to become a conversational genius. The easiest trick is to ask questions.
People generally like talking about themselves, so instead of trying to think of something fascinating to say, ask your colleague what they’re doing over Christmas, whether they’ve finished their shopping or if they’ve got any plans for New Year.
You could ask about their journey to the venue, the food, the decorations or something funny that happened at work recently.
Keep a few easy topics in your back pocket so you’re not desperately trying to think of something to say while staring into your drink. And remember, a conversation doesn’t have to last twenty minutes. A five minute chat is still a perfectly successful interaction.
5. Don’t hide behind your phone
When you’re feeling awkward, your phone can suddenly become very interesting. You might find yourself checking Instagram, scrolling through messages or pretending to be deeply invested in an email that absolutely could have waited until Monday.
It’s tempting, but constantly looking at your phone can actually make you feel more disconnected from everyone around you. Instead, put it away for a little while and give yourself a simple goal. Talk to one person. Ask someone a question. Compliment someone’s outfit. Go and get some food.
You don’t need to throw yourself into the middle of the room. Just make one tiny social move and see where it takes you.
6. Give yourself permission to take breaks
This one is a biggie. You don’t have to spend the entire evening surrounded by people. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, step outside for some fresh air, go to the bathroom, find a quieter corner or take five minutes somewhere away from the main crowd. There’s nothing dramatic about needing a break.
For introverts, socialising can be tiring even when you’re having fun. Taking ten minutes to yourself can give you enough breathing space to go back in and enjoy the rest of the night.
You might even find that your colleagues are grateful for the excuse to escape the noise for a minute too.
7. Don’t feel pressured to drink
Alcohol can make social situations feel easier for some people, but you absolutely don’t need to drink more than you want to.
There can be a strange amount of pressure around drinking at work parties, especially when everyone is ordering another round and you’re still nursing the same glass. Have what you actually fancy.
You can drink slowly, alternate alcoholic drinks with soft drinks or stick to alcohol free options. Nobody needs a running commentary on what’s in your glass.
And honestly, being the person who remembers what happened at the Christmas party can be quite a power move.
8. You don’t have to dance
The dance floor can feel like an enormous spotlight when you’re naturally shy. If you love dancing, get involved. If you’d rather sit with your drink and watch everyone else attempt to recreate a music video, that’s also perfectly acceptable. You don’t have to dance just because somebody has decided that everyone needs to get up.
If you do want to join in but feel nervous, go with a friend. It’s much easier than wandering onto an empty dance floor on your own. And once everyone has had a few drinks, you’ll probably find that nobody is paying nearly as much attention to your dancing as you think they are.
9. Choose conversations over crowds
Large groups can be exhausting because there are so many people talking at once and you might struggle to get a word in. Instead of trying to work the entire room, look for smaller groups or one to one conversations.
You might find the colleague you’ve never really spoken to is actually lovely when you’re not discussing a work deadline. Christmas parties can be a surprisingly good chance to get to know people away from emails, meetings and office politics.
You don’t need to collect conversations like Pokémon. A few proper chats can be much more enjoyable than trying to speak to every person in the room.
10. Have a few conversation escape routes
Ever been trapped in a conversation that seems to have no natural ending? We’ve all been there. If you’re an introvert, it can feel particularly awkward because you might not want to interrupt someone or appear rude. Have a few easy escape routes ready.
You can say you’re going to grab another drink, find your friend, get some food or say hello to someone you haven’t seen yet. You don’t need to make a huge announcement. A friendly excuse and a smile is enough.
And if you’re genuinely enjoying the conversation, stay! The whole point is to give yourself options, not rush away from everyone.
11. Don’t worry about being the quiet one
There’s often a strange expectation at Christmas parties that everyone should suddenly become outgoing. Someone will be telling stories at full volume, another person will be dancing on a chair and somebody else will somehow have become best friends with the DJ. You don’t have to compete.
Being quieter doesn’t mean you’re having a bad time. You can laugh, chat, enjoy your food and take everything in without being the centre of attention.
In fact, people often appreciate someone who listens properly rather than constantly trying to take over the conversation.
12. Set yourself a few little goals
If the thought of an entire evening feels daunting, break it down. Instead of thinking, “I have to socialise all night,” give yourself a few small goals.
• Speak to one colleague you don’t usually talk to
• Compliment someone on their outfit
• Join in with one activity
• Have dinner with your team
• Spend ten minutes on the dance floor if you fancy it
• Have a proper laugh with someone
That’s enough.
You don’t need to turn into a social butterfly overnight. Even small moments can make you feel like you’ve properly joined in.
13. Remember that everyone’s there to have fun
One of the biggest worries introverts can have is that everyone is watching them. They’re probably not. Most people are too busy worrying about themselves.
The person who’s dancing badly is wondering whether they look ridiculous. The person telling a story is wondering whether anyone is listening. The person standing quietly by the bar might be wondering exactly the same thing you are.
Nobody is keeping score of how many conversations you’ve had. So relax a little. You’re allowed to be there without performing for everyone else.
14. Don’t make yourself stay until the bitter end
There’s no prize for being the last person standing. If the party starts winding down and you’re ready for bed, go home. You’ve already turned up, joined in and spent hours socialising. That’s more than enough.
If you’re enjoying yourself, stay longer. If you’re tired, head off. You don’t need to justify it. A simple goodbye to your colleagues is all you need.
15. Plan something lovely for the next day
If socialising drains you, give yourself something to look forward to once the Christmas party is over. Maybe you’ll have a lazy morning, order your favourite takeaway, watch rubbish telly or spend the afternoon doing absolutely nothing.
There’s no shame in needing some quiet time after a big social event. In fact, knowing you’ve got a peaceful day waiting for you can make the whole Christmas party feel much easier.
You can survive the work Christmas party and actually enjoy it
Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re bad at parties. It doesn’t mean you’re boring, antisocial or awkward. It simply means you might enjoy social situations differently from your loudest colleagues.
You don’t need to spend the evening working the room, dancing until your feet hurt or chatting to everyone in the building.
Find your people, take breaks when you need them, join in with the bits you genuinely fancy and don’t worry about the rest. Most importantly, stop putting pressure on yourself to have the “perfect” Christmas party.
You’re allowed to be the girl who has a few drinks, has some good chats, laughs at the terrible office dancing, eats far too many pigs in blankets and then quietly heads home when she’s had enough. And honestly? That sounds like a pretty successful Christmas party to us.
